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What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! In form and moving, how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension, how like a god!
– Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2

Omnipotent. Omnipresent. Omniscient. It’s good to be God. To hold the Ultimate power of the universe in your hand(s). To rule the fates of man and monster, of mountains and molecules, of meteors and microbes. To enact your will on a whim…and if you want a day off you can just make one. Hmmm let’s call it…Phioday!

The ability to be a god is another of those (poorly kept) secrets of the gaming world that, apart from the fans of Uncle Milton, no other hobby allows its partakers the power to control the lives and the worlds of ‘living’ creatures. From SimCity to Populous to Black and White, the segment of games referred to as “god games” grant players the awesome responsibility to manage the existence of their virtual disciples. Be good, be evil, be whatever you want, that’s why god games are so great. But if god games are so great, why do God games suck?

Confused? Good, that was the point. Ever heard of Sunday Funday? How about Bible Adventures? I’m talking about actual God games. Games based on the stories chronicled in the Bible. Whether they are about Noah or David and Goliath they all have one thing in common. They all suck. But why? These stories have remained popular for literally thousands of years, they are known by heart by millions, and yet when translated into our humble medium they become worthless pieces of garbage. Either enjoyed by only the most deluded minds or simply subjected to hapless young gamers by well-meaning but clueless relatives.

There is no reason why there can’t be a good game based on these stories, games that can have “cross” over appeal outside the Ned Flanders crowd. This can happen. Ask Cecil B. DeMille (for you youngsters out there, think of him as the original Peter Jackson). Look what he did with the story of Moses in The Ten Commandments. A stunning piece of filmmaking even by today’s standards, it even makes you believe that Charlton Heston is Jewish!

There is no good reason that a quality game can’t be made using this material. Look at God of War for Christ’s sake! (jeeze, the amout of time I spend pimping that game….someone owes me a check!). Plus, these stories are in the public domain which means both no licensing fees and no licensed game stigma!

I don’t care if you Believe or not, there is a great game out there! Let’s get on this! I want my Smite button and I want it now!

THE RIDE BOARD:

In the GameCube:   How do you like your pace? Slow? Very slow? Then I have the game for you: Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. That’s not to say that it is a bad game, far from it, but this turn based strategy game makes Chess look like a twitch shooter. I picked this game up because I wanted a change of pace in my RPGs, and considering its speed I can’t believe I actually finished it. It’s a lot like mowing you lawn, it takes a while and eventually you finished, but since you will have to do it again next weekend, you never really feel done. Adequately equipped with your standard young hero saves the kingdom story, the game gives you a ton of characters but if you lose one in battle he’s gone for the duration. So try not to get attached or you’ll find yourself taking advantage of the soft reset option even after 40 minutes of careful maneuvering. There is a lot of dialog, none of it in voiceover except for a few high quality cutscenes, so take a speed reading course beforehand and set the type speed to max. On the battlefield you’ll spend a lot of time trying not to be attacked rather then attacking since when you are on offence you can tell before you strike just how much damage you’ll do. Between battles and conversions you’ll (eventually) be about to buy your characters weapons and items as well as focus their development with bonus XP and custom weapons, but if you have a team of about five you like to use they will become powerful on their own as well as take quality weapons off their dead opponents often enough so you can virtually ignore this feature. Play Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance if you have the time and the inclination, but especially the time.

Did You Know:  Cecil B. DeMille suffered a heart attack during the production of The Ten Commandments after climbing 130 feet to check a faulty camera perched on one of the giant gates used in the Exodus sequence. He took a couple of days off and then, against his doctor’s orders, returned to work to complete the film.

Comments?  Questions?  E-mail me at seth410@gamertransit.com.  Complaints?  To err is human, to forgive, divine.

Back of the Bus is © 2005 by Seth “4:10” Robison, used with exclusive permission by gamertransit.com.  Reproduction without permission is prohibited.