I spent another four hours last night playing Guild Wars, and I really didn’t accomplish much. Something tells me that I am wasting my time, that there’s something else I should be doing, that I’ll regret it later. So why do I keep playing? How many times did I say, OK, this is the last mission I’ll do?
Looking back now, as I do most days, I think: I really enjoy playing it. I can’t wait to get home to play again. It’s far more satisfying than a lot of other aspects of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, but work drives me insane. So is it escapism? Or is it the fact that I have more control over the character than work? No, because changing my job wouldn’t make me stop playing.
Then the next step would be to look at it as a social dependence. I don’t interact with the outside world much, but I didn’t really before I started playing, either. Besides that, I haven’t had a single conversation during the game that is even worth remembering. But the chance for interaction is better than watching TV, right? I get to be included as an active part of the experience.
And why deny myself my other artistic pursuits? Why am I so focused on this one outlet? It’s giving me something I need. It’s giving me structure and a sure measure of success. Work hard enough, and you get rewarded. There are no X-factors. The rules are laid out plainly in front of me. I can relax my personal, social and professional guard because the repercussions are so much smaller. It comes with a reset button. I’ve never run into the same person again unintentionally.
It’s giving me a chance to have a new personality without the pressure of failure.
So I’ll be playing Guild Wars again tonight, where I get to be the person I want to be, but am too afraid to follow through with in real-life. The more I play, though, the more confidence I gain to get me there, and I meet more people that make the experience enjoyable. Maybe I won’t play for four hours, but I’ll be there.

-mlbradley
durden26@comcast.net