Yes, it’s true; your semi-faithful gaming culture touchstone finally has a Wii. That’s right, fourth-tier gaming bloggers…err…columnists don’t get comped units on release day, we’ve got to show up at The Tag at just the right time just like everybody else. So let me just tell you right out of the blocks that it was worth the wait, but you don’t come here for reviews, since I don’t do reviews (except for when I do a “In The…” for the Ride Board, but when was the last time I did that?

Anyway, I discovered two things after opening the box. The first is that the latest technology has successfully transferred my inability to play sports into the digital realm, thus crippling my last bastion of self-esteem. And secondly, and most relevantly, there is No Possible Way that an errant Wiimote could bust through a TV screen.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the innovative controller (I wonder if even it’s getting tired of being called that) has a good heft to it with the batteries installed, and I don’t doubt that I could use it to crack eggs open or keep papers from blowing away in my outdoor office, but shattering a screen? I don’t buy it.

And “buying it” is just about what this ‘epidemic’ seems to be about. I’ve seen the ‘evidence’ and I’ve been to the Wii related property damage blogs, and the only thing that worries me is that these people who can’t seem to control a palm sized piece of plastic could be out there driving cars!

Now I’m as much a fan of the Law of Large Numbers as the next guy, so out of millions of units sold (what do you mean you don’t have one?) it’s not out of the realm of possibility that one controller has busted one TV screen, I’m just saying that the exact same amount of people have mistaken the Wiimote for a block of white chocolate and tried to make fondue out of it.

I’m actually tempted to send this into Mythbusters and watch them try to make it happen with pitching machine…or a trebuchet. And the ‘flimsy cord’ story? It’s more likely that an eager player 2 is snatching the controller out of player 1’s hand before he’s loosened the wrist strap.

No, I’m afraid this story is more “Wii want Nintendo to buy Mii a new TV” then anything else. Let’s forget about the sweaty palms story, exaggerated swing tale, and the thin sting yarn and get a grip.

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Back of the Bus is © 2007 by Seth “4:10” Robison, used with exclusive permission by gamertransit.com. Reproduction without permission is prohibited.